I’ve been talking about methods and strategies before. Today I’ll talk about emotions.
Whether it is high school students, college students or professionals, emotion is a barrier. High school students, especially, are always in a state of high pressure, accompanied by negative emotions. Once we can’t deal with the negative emotions well, we can’t use the structured thinking, the whole process optimization, or any other strategy, and the whole person’s state is in a mess. Of course, there is also a lot of pressure in the workplace. Even if you really do a good job, you still have the hope to get on the top of your life and marry Bai Fumei. But before that, if you think about the house price or the troublesome customers, you will be very upset and can’t settle down to do things.
In a word, if we can’t deal with negative emotions well, we can’t talk about everything.
So, how to control negative emotions?
1、 Recognize the positive role of emotion
Controlling negative emotions requires understanding emotions. All really effective means of emotion management are based on the affirmation of the positive effect of emotion. First of all, I sincerely admit that emotion is a part of me and a good thing. Then I can be calm and adopt a push boat approach.
We must first realize that all emotions are useful.
Emotion is an important part of our human body and an important part of the human machine. Do you have negative emotions? Congratulations, you are a complete person, not a incomplete product. People born without negative emotions, the core component of the human body, have long been eliminated in evolution.
Pain – very useful, it tells us that this road is impassable, suggest you change direction;
Anxiety is very useful. It tells us that this matter is a bit troublesome and needs to be highly valued;
Fear – very useful, it tells us that this thing is very dangerous, suggest to run away quickly;
Anger – more useful, not only to tell you that the current situation is unacceptable, but also to provide you with extra energy to solve the problem.
Emotion is such an instinctive and quick response system.
Although the rational analysis of the mind can also analyze such things as troublesome, dangerous and unacceptable, the analysis of the mind is too slow. Moreover, what should people with low education and weak analytical ability do?
For example, you meet a big tiger.
A normal person doesn’t have to think at all. He is in a state of extreme fear and runs away without hesitation; A person without emotional system starts his calm analysis
- This is an animal.
- It has four legs, hairy body surface and complete facial features. It is inferred that it is a terrestrial mammal.
- It looks more like feline family. Which kind of feline family is it? I want to observe in an all-round way and think critically, otherwise there may be wrong conclusions.
- Wait, why does it come to me and jump up?… Eh, there is a word “Wang” on its head? The above is how people without emotional response system are eliminated in the long evolution.
Do you want such an important and powerful core component system that directly determines your life or death? Don’t give it to me, OK?
2、 What is the essence of emotion?
Now let’s think about a question: what is the nature of emotion?
There are many answers, and there will be different discussions from different dimensions. In terms of emotion management, I think the best way to understand emotion is evolution and survival
Emotion is the survival rationality based on big data and probability on the evolutionary scale.
I’m used to giving this definition a visual explanation
Emotion is the sentry and scout of an army
Sentry has two functions
The main function is to investigate and report information, especially dangerous information;
2 secondary role – participation in combat
When danger approaches, emotion, a unique mechanism, can make us aware of danger immediately, and——
It expects us to make some response to eliminate the danger;
If we don’t pay attention to the problem, as a qualified sentry, it will insist on sending out reports repeatedly;
If our ability to solve problems is relatively weak and unable to solve problems, then it will play its own (weak) fighting ability, personally participate in the fight and start to solve problems.
3、 Reasonable emotional solutions
Now, we begin to deduce a reasonable solution strictly from the essence of emotion
You have learned that emotions are not enemies, they are your friends, allies, and loyal servants. So you don’t have to hate your negative emotions. You should focus on the thing that causes your emotion, not the emotion itself
Emotion is a necessary, correct and instinctive information response system. It’s useless for you to have a hard time with this system. You should solve the problem.
If you don’t have a solution, the Sentry will automatically become a fighting force, fighting with his weak fighting capacity – doing a lot of unreasonable stupid things. The key is that it is absolutely inevitable, it is a deep-rooted survival mechanism, and it is a very reasonable arrangement! When the master has no strength to bind a chicken and sits waiting to die, shouldn’t the Scout be loyal and fight to death with his weak body?!
If it’s written as a novel or a movie, it’s still a very moving story: the veterans who have been misunderstood, wronged and abandoned by their own masters, risking their lives to fight with the enemy to defend their masters.
For example, you are going to take the postgraduate entrance examination soon. You are very nervous and anxious, for fear that you will not pass the examination. With the aggravation of anxiety, you often have emotional breakdown, can’t sleep at night, and live a miserable life.
At this time, the problem has changed from the postgraduate entrance examination to the anxiety itself – why am I so anxious all day long? Do I have anxiety disorder? Do I have a mental illness? What can I do?
And this time, you just need to put your attention back on the postgraduate entrance examination. Can’t sleep with anxiety at night? Then get up at 2 o’clock in the middle of the night to review and read the postgraduate entrance examination materials. No matter what his biological clock, healthy work and rest and so on, it’s all bullshit. If you are anxious at 2 o’clock and can’t sleep, you should get up at 2 o’clock and review. Always read a book, do it is too tired, naturally fell asleep.
More importantly, you feel that you are seriously reviewing, and your emotional system (sentinel system) finds that the master has realized that the postgraduate entrance examination is a matter that needs attention, and his task of reporting information has been completed, so he takes back the Scout he sent out, Jiao, and his anxiety will dissipate.
Remember the effect of emotion I mentioned at the beginning? Anxiety is to attract your attention and make you pay attention.
Of course, this raises a question:
If there is no way to solve the problem, how to control emotions?
It’s difficult to control emotions in this situation, but it’s also very common. Many times, even most of the time, we can’t solve the problem immediately. For example, your parents want to control you without limit; Your boss may deliberately make things difficult for you; You may have been betrayed by your friends and cheated on your partner; They may also be cheated by partners and lose 1 million yuan.
This kind of time, your Sentinel – emotional system, will be crazy to remind you: dangerous! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!….
However, in reality, these problems, the things that trigger the alarm of the emotional system, are out of your control and cannot be solved temporarily. So what do you do now?
4、 Stay with your emotions
In order not to be controlled by negative emotions, you need to fully experience emotions and stay with them.
The above sentence has been repeatedly repeated by many psychologists, physiotherapists and so on. It seems mysterious and mysterious, but it can’t really understand what it means?
This kind of mysterious statement confused me for a long time, and then I finally figured it out. It’s not that meditation and meditation are enlightened, nor that any spiritual teacher is finally willing to explain this problem in the words of a grammatical person. It’s that I figured it out when I read biological behavior. Once it’s figured out, the logic is very simple:
Emotion is our investigation report system, a sentry, a scout;
He is very conscientious and has to report the outside danger information to the host (US)
If he thinks that the host does not understand the dangerous information and does not attach importance to it, he will keep repeating the report until he thinks that the host really understands and attaches importance to it, so as to ensure his survival
Therefore, at this time, you need to communicate with your subconscious and emotional system, so that the sentinel knows that the master has received and understood the dangerous information he reported, and he can go to rest.
Only after the above goal is achieved, the mood will subside – the sentry mission is completed, and the peace of mind will go back to rest. And any other method of forced oppression is useless, because it has a fundamental conflict with the millions of years of human evolution and hundreds of millions of years of biological evolution!!!
Communicate with your subconscious:
Find a place to sit down, sit upright, close your eyes, and keep silent: sentinel, I’ve received your danger report, and I’ll deal with it.
If you can’t solve the problem for the time being, repeat it
Sentinel, I have received your danger report information, but this problem can not be solved for the time being. Please go down first. When the time is ripe, I will find an opportunity to solve the problem.
The above method is suitable for those who suffer from emotional loss in a short period of time, but have not accumulated emotions maliciously for a long time. If it is a person who has accumulated a lot of negative emotions, it needs further methods to deal with it.
5、 The treatment of deep emotion
Negative emotions, as mentioned above, are the intelligence system and sentinel of the human body, which means that they are not virtual, but have real substance corresponding to them. The material forms of emotion are as follows
At first, when something happens in the outside world, when you produce an emotion – called emotion a – you also produce the corresponding substance a (substance A is the physiological basis of emotion a);
If emotion a dissipates quickly, substance a will be excreted out of your body through sweat, urine and feces, just like ordinary food and metabolic waste;
If emotion a occurs for a long time and violently, substance a will be produced in large quantities, and its speed exceeds the body’s excretion capacity of substance A, then substance a will accumulate in the body – just like if you occasionally drink a bottle of drink, the toxins in the drink will be naturally discharged from the body. However, if you drink too much, the preservatives, pigments and other toxic substances in the drink will accumulate in your body, The formation of leukemia, gastrointestinal disease, etc;
Then, because substance A has a lot of surplus accumulation in your body, you become more likely to trigger emotion a than before – of course, because substance A is the trigger substance of emotion a.
Therefore, there is an extremely important and effective way to repair one’s emotions – exercise. Most people only think that physical exercise can promote physical health, but ignore that physical exercise can also promote mental health.
Through stable exercise and exercise, we can accelerate our body metabolism, repair and detoxification, and gradually expel the accumulated residue of substance A from the body. Then we can get rid of the malignant and cumulative negative emotions and return to the third stage – event triggered negative emotions. We can deal with them according to the previous methods.
6、 Become a martial arts expert
Finally, I would like to share an efficient emergency response method to deal with temporary emotions (I learned from Huang tingchan)
In Chinese, there is an idiom to describe a person’s emotional confusion, which is called “Fangcun daluan”. What is this “Fangcun”?
This “square inch” refers to a small place in the middle of a person’s chest, the intersection of the midline in front of the body and the two nipples.
Next time you are excited, you can take the opportunity to feel it. If you focus on this place called “Fangcun”, you will feel that there is a very chaotic atmosphere, running around (not the feeling of normal heartbeat, nor the feeling of normal breathing) – which is roughly similar to the feeling of “being possessed” in martial arts novels, uncontrollable breath, and a group of real Qi running around (others are more serious, It’s the whole body’s genuine Qi running in disorder. We’re slight, only a little bit of square inch is running in disorder).
And the way to control emotions is very simple, starting from the disorderly atmosphere. When you feel the confusion between the square inch breath, take a deep breath, with this inhaled, fixed direction (straight down) of the gas, to disperse that group of disorderly gas, bring its direction, become orderly. Then take a deep breath and exhale it in the opposite direction.
After this repeated several times, the chaotic breath between the square inch will stop and be replaced by your normal breath, and you will miraculously find that with the calmness of the breath between the square inch, your mood will be calmed!
Therefore, this method can not only help you control your emotions, but also bring you a kind of “I just used my deep internal power to heal myself”, “I am also a martial arts expert!” The feeling of~