- Isn’t it a pleasure to have friends from afar? Is it not a gentleman who does not know but is not angry《 Learning first
For the daughter-in-law of the modern nuclear family, although the mother-in-law’s coming to live with her will add some trouble, it is still a happy thing on the whole, because the daughter-in-law can learn a lot of life experience from her mother-in-law, understand her husband’s habits, temperament and childhood fun, and also help her take care of some housework. Isn’t it a pleasure?
For her mother-in-law, she has experience and wisdom in life, but her daughter-in-law may not realize this and may not pay attention to her own opinions. Her mother-in-law should regard this as a normal thing and not be angry and angry. “Isn’t it a gentleman?” The same is true for the daughter-in-law. She has advantages, but her mother-in-law may not see them.
On the contrary, for husbands, aunts and uncles, because they are their own children, their mother-in-law is more likely to see their performance and treat them better. Realizing this phenomenon, as a daughter-in-law, she is not angry, “isn’t she a gentleman?” As the saying goes, “people will see each other for a long time”, there will always be a day of mutual understanding and acceptance.
2, advice and good way, can not stop, no self humiliation Yan《 Yan Yuan No.12
The mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and other people who live together are most afraid that they will not give advice to each other, and they will feel suffocated in their hearts. But at the same time, they are also afraid that their advice will not be handled properly and hurt their face. How to grasp this discretion? Confucius gave a good hint, that is to be loyal and sincere for each other; Second, we should be good at expressing ourselves, stop at it, and don’t insult ourselves.
- Three friends are beneficial, three friends are harmful《 The 16th edition of Ji Shi
It’s good to have a straight friend, a understanding friend, and a lot of friends. If you are friendly, you will find a way out. If you are kind and gentle, you will find a way out.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will only be damaged if they just swallow their words, flatter and flatter each other, have no opinion and follow others’ advice; On the contrary, if mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can tell each other frankly, understand each other, and see each other’s strengths at the same time, both sides can benefit from each other’s contact.
In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, if both sides can really achieve these three points, then the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law must be very satisfactory, but to achieve these three points requires a very high level of cultivation, which requires both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to become “gentle” and “modest gentlemen”, and this cultivation is very difficult to achieve, which is the reason why many mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationships are not satisfactory.
However, as long as the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are aware of these points, and partially achieve some, then the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is passable.
In the topic of “families in social changes across the Taiwan Straits” published in Applied Psychology Research (1999), Professor Kong Xiangming found out the phenomenon and causes of “mother-in-law and daughter-in-law fighting” in many families through specific and in-depth qualitative research, and pointed out that the understanding and respect between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are the key factors in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, For example, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law “adhere to the attitude of mutual understanding and moderate behavior”, which is the embodiment of the way of friendship in Chinese Confucian culture.