Once on an airplane, I saw such a scene:
The husband was resting, and his wife came over again and again to cover his blanket for fear that he might catch cold.
But as soon as my wife left, my husband immediately pulled off the blanket, his eyes full of boredom and impatience.
At that moment, I woke up, the original man does not need to take care of his meticulous woman.
However, Chinese women are taught to be obedient and obedient, and their only way to express their love is to give.
During my previous visit, a best friend said to me:
“After I got married, I took on the responsibility of taking care of my husband. As soon as my husband came in, I would present my slippers, my husband would brush his teeth, and I would squeeze toothpaste; My husband is lying in bed. I quickly pull the quilt away and cover him……
But why do I love him so much, but he loves me less than one ten thousandth of mine? I want to know, how can I make him love me as much as I love him? “
I told her to learn to understand him first.
Why do you say that?
Because I found that many women always love men from the “self” point of view, but never know what love men really want?
To learn to understand him means to see him and understand what he really wants.
Otherwise you pay 100 points, the other side can only digest 10 points.
Finally, women are particularly aggrieved. They use giving as a chip to ask for love. They feel that they have given so much, why they should be ignored and neglected, and then they should be more controlled.
In the end, love hurts.
So today, I want to tell you that understanding is more important than love.
Bonnie Bo, who once had wonderful words in “wonderful flowers”, said this:
“When I was very young, I also felt that love was more important than understanding and company. Only love is genuine, others are fakes, substitutes, bows to the secular after adulthood, is a kind of helplessness and make do.
Now I feel that it’s a great fortune to have someone to accompany me, and I really know that it’s no less than a passionate love.
If you can be sincere and patient with each other and spend your whole life, it’s perfect. “
What does one really need in love?
Actually, it’s just two words – understand.
And this is absolutely inseparable from the strong empathy and empathy thinking ability.
A few years ago, there was a popular saying on Weibo: Wang Xiaojian in ten years, Ke Jingteng in one hundred years and Li Daren in one thousand years.
Why is Li Daren so rare? Because he knows her.
He once said this:
“I know she’s proud, and that’s because she works hard enough to make me feel different. But at the same time, she is also very self abased, because he found that she is different, in this world, no one can understand.
So, sometimes you have to be her mirror and honestly remind her how good she is, but don’t try to change the habit she is used to, because those small problems are just the reason why Cheng Youqing is Cheng Youqing.
She likes the feeling of beating her heart, but she always regrets it. She often needs to talk, sometimes a bottle of beer can let her speak freely. When she can’t figure out something and doesn’t want to have a chat, she will hide in the book.
At this time, please don’t disturb her. After she has charged and absorbed nutrients, she will appear in front of you again in high spirits. “
Who can not be moved by this passage?
When a person can clearly tell you a certain preference or habit, do you have the feeling of being seen in an instant.
This is understanding and understanding.
As Li Daren said, the mirror can’t see your most beautiful places at all, because only I know those places.
Although the truth is simple, many people are still trapped in the relationship and don’t know how to express love. The reason is that they don’t understand “who I am”.
The reason why we don’t understand it is because of the inner lack.
Because of lack, so to their own wrapped layers of armor, unable to establish a real link with others. But feelings often happen when they are vulnerable and relative.
Therefore, if you want to understand others, you must first understand yourself and learn to be frank about your helplessness, loss and fear.
If you see yourself clearly, you will find that:
What you do for others is not love, but control;
What you think is not opinion, but prejudice;
What you say is not communication, but emotion.
And the control, the prejudice, the emotional depth, is your deep fear. They suck you like a magnet, making you stay in a dark cave, making you unable to be free physically and mentally.
Therefore, if you want to solve the pain in a relationship, you have to solve your own fear first.
Go to the depths of darkness, find yourself, comfort yourself, accept yourself, heal your pain, fill your lack, and then save yourself in the shadow of life.
Once there was a popular saying on the Internet: if you know me, how good it would be.
This sentence expresses the desire for links and attention.
But a mature adult should not place the satisfaction of life on others.
The direction you should strive for is: if I understand me, how good it is.